Verbal Upgrade

It seems like every few months we need to upgrade our phones and all of these other systems that seem integral to our lives, but there is one upgrade that is much more vital than a bigger eggplant emoji or another attempt to steal our personal information. We need a verbal upgrade of our common language. English in America has been changing, but this piecemeal development is ineffective, and truly requires a massive overhaul. Our language has been cold, limiting, and exclusive, like so many systems in our country.

I understand that the intentions behind these at some times are genuine and good -- that has always been understood. What was trying to be said is that this person has such a nice smile, it should be shared more. Got it! So, let's all agree to stop saying "You should smile more" to people, and let's just say "You have a beautiful smile" because that is what is trying to be conveyed anyway. Women are told this too often and people of color are sick of being told what to do, so let's agree to use these terms because it works for everyone!

Often times, we ask people of color "where are you from?" with the connotation that it must be Africa or the Caribbean, which is the equivalent of all white people being mistaken for Swedish people. I am laughing at the assumption that all white people are from Sweden. At being asked automatically "where in Sweden is your family from?" because I just must be from Sweden because I'm white. How awful to constantly be assumed a foreigner, as though you just look like you don't belong here. An upgrade to "where do you call home?" is simple and allows for the person to interpret that as they'd like. Also, it's so easy to ask follow up questions once you have their language (not like Portuguese but verbiage), and what's cool is this phrasing works for every single person. One size fits all language!

Let's start widening that net for assistance with physical labor while we're at it because men are not the only people who can bring chairs from one room to another or carry heavier items -- women can be quite strong, don'tcha-know! Instead of exclusively asking the boys or men in room for help with groceries or furniture, let's ask the room "can anyone help me carry this?" -- ladies like to flex too!

What is so beautiful about this world is how different relationships can look for people, and that brings me to not asking "who wears the pants?" in a relationship, particularly in gay couples. Everyone wears pants! All different kinds of pants, at different times, and sometimes at the same time -- you better believe it! In same any successful couple, there is no man or woman--there are partners. A good rule I use when asking about relations is to use terms like partner or significant other. If you're confused about whether the two people may actually be partners in business together, use significant other to get clarity. For me, at the end of the day, who cleans the shit out of the drain? That is who you're looking for when you ask that question.

These are just a few suggestions that could make someone feel seen, and ease your social interactions. I hope you feel comfortable enough to suggest these updates to your friends, families, and neighbors. An ode to a verbal upgrade. #VerbalUpgrade #HopeToHelp #LanguageMatter #Inclusive #Seen #Heard #Love #ISeeYou #Kindness #AnOde