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This is absolutely ridiculous, world! I cannot believe how long we have gone crediting this fake, White man with all of your hard-earned gifts, leaving your wallets and your energy exhausted. There are moms working two or three jobs to make ends meet, and then December rolls around and now they have to somehow figure out how to buy gifts for their children from a made-up White man who enslaves female reindeer to schlep his lazy ass around the entire world in one night? Oh, and everyone, leave him cookies. Are you fucking kidding me?
Call this story and persona exactly what it is: an exploitation of our children and our wallets. Christmas uses our children against us, forcing all parents to buy into this narrative because it's too great now -- how in the world could one or even twenty five parents break the coming of Old Saint Nick? It would need to be greater than anything we've ever seen -- parents far and wide and from all over the planet would need to coordinate. That is how powerful this is! Roughly a third of the world is under the age of 10 so this is not an easy feat, but something truly needs to be done. This is actually not just about Santa, but much greater than Santa.
Cancelling Santa cancels the capitalism that has maliciously intertwined itself into Christmas. Christmas is not about gifts and material things which is exactly what Santa embodies and promotes, typical White man... Furthermore, like so many of his former White men role models, he enslaved our parents and ultimately most adults by creating the persona of Santa Claus; a fictional, jolly White man who sneaks into your house at night to bring you as many gifts and presents as your little heart imagines, and if you don't get everything you want hold your parents captive emotionally and spiritually. I mean, it's fucking brilliant! I would never use children to carry out such a vicious plan just to keep the economy going, but I will always give credit where credit is due.
Now is our opportunity, world. COVID. I don't know about you, but it seems awfully likely that Santa could and should be catching that Omicron variant if he is bouncing in and out and every single house in just one night (to be honest, he sounds like a super spreader that is to blame if there's a spike after the holidays also, but one thing at a time...). I also believe if we check the records for Pfizer, Moderna, Johnson & Johnson, etc., we will not see any deliveries to the North Pole so not only is he putting himself at the highest of risks, but he's unvaccinated! This story is basically writing itself... An ode to Canceling Santa Claus.
So unvaccinated and super-spreading Santa finally returns to the North Pole, Christmas morning; unleashes his enslaved, female Reindeer which I assume have been renamed to hide their female identities. If the reindeer were properly named, they'd be Arabella, Edda, Francisca, Lina, Mina, Sophie, Skylar, Wilhemina, and Marien. Who is really shocked that ladies that lit-er-all-lee been carrying the weight this entire time? So the lady reindeer return to their stable, and Santa takes a nap because he's lazy and that's what Santa does. Mrs. Clause obviously sanitizes the sleigh, give the reindeer some CBD carrots, and wears a mask the entire time. Santa wakes up the next day deathly ill, good thing Mrs. Clause has taken precaution in their spare bedroom and has always worn her mask. Santa eventually dies because he refuses to seek medical care because "he's Santa" and now we have a brand new start, people! Do we want Mrs. Claus to take over? Do we want Mrs. Claus to shut down the whole thing, remind us what Christmas is really about, and let the world know it's on us to keep up the true essence of Christmas, like kindness, compassion, community, togetherness, and gratitude? I am inclined to pick the latter because why perpetuate these false made-up narratives when we have loss the message entirely?
Let's get back to the essence of Christmas. Cancel Santa. #CancelSanta @MrsClaus #Unfair #COVIDkilledSanta #FemaleReindeer #SuperSpreaderSanta #AnOde #IKnowItSoundsExtremeBut